Emetophobia

I've been contemplating this post roughly 1 million times, but honestly haven't had the courage to actually write about it. I will give you a little background to better understand.

I am not a sickly person. I get a cold once every 2 years and the flu once every 6-8 years. So very lucky!!  But since I can remember (Pre-school/kindergarten age) I have been terrified of vomit. Each passing year it's gotten a little bit worse. I can tell you every single story, in full detail, that I have witnessed vomit or vomited myself. Last time I vomited ... Friday, February 22nd, 2008.  As of today it's actually been 2,000 days since I last threw up.

 *The Fear*
Growing up I had a huge fear of going to church because when you attend a Catholic School, you have to attend weekly mass. Well it seemed like every other morning we had mass someone got sick. And I don't mean just leaving church because they were feeling ill, I mean full blown vomiting ALL OVER the place. One Wednesday a month the Grade School and High School would have mass together. I think the last time I attended once of those masses was in 8th grade. All throughout High School I made my mom excuse me from school for the 1st hour on those mass days. I just couldn't face it. Church felt like a trap to me, no way out. One other place that gave gives me anxiety is planes. It's even more of a trap than church and is statistically known for people vomiting. I have flown a little over 10 times and haven't once witnessed a bad situation, but I am always convinced the next time will be the time it happens.

*The Realization*
With all of that being said, about 6 or so months ago my husband and I were laying in bed and I was panicking. I wasn't feeling good and I couldn't relax. I talked to him about how I was for sure getting the flu and it was going to be the most awful thing ever. He reassured me I wasn't. I then started telling him how many times I think about throwing up. 3-5 times ... A DAY ... Yes, it's terrible. I worry, worry, worry all the time about it. Talk about extremely unhealthy. Anyways, I told him about how I contemplate what I eat and always analyzing the way my stomach feels. I had never led on to him or anyone for that matter of just how much I thought about it. He was so sad. He had no idea that I had been keeping this in for so long. One thing he said to me was "sounds like you have a phobia, have you ever looked it up?". I am someone who looks everything up on the Internet, yet it had NEVER crossed my mind that my "weird" way of thinking would actually be something. So I grabbed my I-Pad and starting typing "fear of " and before I could even type "vomit", it was the 5th or 6th thing on the suggested list. I literally could not believe it. I clicked it and there it was "Emetophobia". The irrational fear of vomit. BINGO. That was me. Crazy thing, it's the 5th most common phobia, but no one realy talks about it. I also found out that celebrities like Cameron Diaz and Matt Lauer suffer from it as well. The sad part is that this phobia is not 100% avoidable. Where as fears of heights, snakes and spiders can be avoided. Also even though its the 5th most common phobia, not many therapists have heard of it or treat it.

*The Journey To Overcome*
My hopes are to one day over come this phobia. How and when I am going to do that is still unknown. I have done lots of research online. One great website is www.emetophobia.org. It's a great resource to go to when you feel like you are the only one having these absurd feelings. I am also currently reading the "Emetophobia Recovery System". It gives you lots of different tools and techniques to manage your anxiety. I will touch more on these techniques in another post. One thing I have not been successfull at is finding a therapist in my area that has a good idea about emetophobia and how to overcome it. Still looking. 

I hope by sharing this part of my life it may help others as much as it will help me. 

Xoxo

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